Wine Cooler

I get off work yesterday at about 3pm due to some system problems we were having and well I had nothing better to do so I called my boy up to see what he was doing. After talking to him for a couple of minutes he asks "Dude, what are you doing tonight? If you're not doing anything then go by that bar place 'The Lounge' in downtown.....my girl is having her birthday there tonight."

After some slight hesitation, it being a wednesday night and all, I said "fuck it" and went. I go into the place thinking I'm walking into a club or a lounge or some sort of chillaxing place....um....I walk into like a giant box with those foldable metal chairs stacked up in a corner and on the other corner there was a wicca witch looking white girl handing out beverages. I go to the wicca witch first.

"Hi, are you the bartender?"

"No...tee hee....I'm just helping out by passing out the drinks."

"Oh...ok....cool. Um...what do you have back there?"

"Well, I have many things....what do you want?"

"Um....let me just get a Corona, then."

"No...we don't have beer....sorry."

"Ok....black label and coke?"

"Um....no!"

"Ok....what do you have!"

At this point she pulls out like 40 different flavors of wine coolers. Wine coolers?

"Do you have any alcohol?"

"Ha ha ha....very funny.....this IS alcohol silly!"

Fuck! So I take the damned Rasberry drink and go grab a chair when my boy comes up to me to say hello.

"Hey, so you got a drink already!"

"Dude....where the fuck are the real drinks man? They had like wine coolers and water! At least give me a Coke or a Pepsi....but this wine cooler stuff?"

"My bad man but my girl didnt want to have 'real' alcohol here because her uncle had alcoholic tendencies."

"so her uncle is an alcoholic?"

"Was an alcoholic!"

"Was?"

"Yea.....was!"

"So they're afraid he might relapse or something?"

"Nah....that dude is dead....he died like 3 years ago!"

"So what the fuck am I sitting here drinking this damned shit for?"

"I don't know dude.....she just doesnt like alcohol."

Anyways, as soon as I took my first gulp (I was thirsty) I instantly felt like I had to take a huge shit. I don't know what it is about this slightly syruppy carbonated splashed with alcohol drink has that as soon as it hits my stomach lining it makes me want to just spew hot molten shit from my ass! I hate wine coolers! I ended up drinking some tap water and going home early......they also forgot to get a radio!