A year has gone by since the tragic death of my friend Johnny "Korona" Pimentel. Even though I try and convince myself that things happen for a reason and that your death was not in vain, it is still complicated. Complicated in my mind I guess. I still have your cell phone number on my phone...even though I bought a new phone...it just didn't feel right not putting your number in there. IDK!
Sometimes I lay in bed when everyone else is asleep and I think about you....I think about all of the people in my life, who I have cared for, who have passed away. Some shot, some stabbed, some got sick, some crashed their vehicles!
It's been a year since you passed and I must say it has been an awkward year. In the beggining when your death was a fresh topic within the confines of my mind I was very confused. I over analyzed life and I searched for a way to make it feel better. In the beggining all I wanted to do was go out and party because deep down I was afraid that I too would be leaving the earth soon. I guess I didn't know how to greive you. I went from seeing you on a daily basis and sharing many many memories with you to not being able to tak to you...or see you! Knowing that I will never see or hear from you again made my heart drop.
Walking down the street, listening to my iPod....I'd skip any song that had your voice in it. I have avoided listening to your voice for a year because I did not want to feel the pain that I felt while staring down at your lifeless body in that box. I didn't want to hurt! May be it was selfish but I just didn't want to feel like that!
Last night, at around 1am, I was half asleep listening to my iPod when I realized that I was listening to "Ms Supa Swag". It was the first time listening to your voice in about a year or so and I began to hurt. Before a tear could escape me I began to laugh! I laughed because I couldn't believe how good your lyrics and flow had gotten. Damn man, I can honestly say that I felt proud of you little bro!
I got out of bed and went downstairs to my living room and I listened! I heard the whole album. I wnet and listened to Jonmicol & Korona. I must have listened to our music for hours! I listened to your every word and I remembered. I remembered our sleepless nights driving around the city in my Expedition just listening to music and writing lyrics. I remembered recording music late into the night! I remembered sitting in my room just talking for hours! Then it hit me.
I remembered that we talked about death once. It was one of those nights where we had decided to just stay and chill at the house. We had a couple drinks and chilled listening to music. Then we started speaking of philosophy and we wandered into the conversation about death. We both agreed that it was weird to think about it. The thing is that we both wondered the same things. We wondered if there was a God. We wondered if there was anything afterwards. We asked about how we thought it would be like to die. Now you know!
For our sake I hope there really is a God and that he sees the good in you! I hope that there is a God, for a selfish purpose I suppose....and that is so that I may see you again in the next world. That is my confort. I pray that there is a power above all there is here an Earth so that one day I may be reunited with you and all those who have gone away. I pray that when my time to die comes that you will be there on the other side waiting so that we may once again talk! Til then, I pray that you rest in peace!